Newly regarding a 10-year matrimony, I was actually naive about
hookup culture
and intercourse typically. Looking back, I see
a lot of red flags
in man I dated for five months after my personal divorce or separation. Here are the indicators I skipped that I was online dating a closet sex addict.

1. 
   He planned to have intercourse constantly.
   
   We had been having sex at the least 4 times a day. In the beginning I didn’t recognize it actually was odd; I would been hitched for quite a long time before I dated him thus I didn’t understand what had been a « normal » quantity of gender. While I was actually married, typical used to be monthly, then when we began internet dating this person, i recently believed he had been really, truly attracted to me personally. After all, I
   
   am
   
   rather awesome.
2. 
   He had been painfully shy.
   
   I’m sure this won’t look like it matches, but the guy found all his girlfriends on the web, therefore I thought he’d never had a one-night stand. I could never visualize him picking right up a lady in a bar. Ends up, the guy found everybody else on Craigslist, Tinder, or other hookup applications. Now I am perhaps not stating all bashful dudes tend to be closet gender addicts, but we
   
   am
   
   proclaiming that becoming timid does not tip it.
3. 
   He adored women in all sizes and shapes.
   
   In an excellent globe, all guys would never care about any woman’s imperfections. Actually, most of us have outdated males who’d their own choices and dislikes. He previously not one. Initially I was thinking it absolutely was empowering; the guy seemed to
   accept me for my situation
   . He’d explain women the guy found attractive, and additionally they varied from rail-thin to obese, blond to black hair, pale skin to dark skin. I never ever when felt bad about any part of my own body and then he never forced me to feel unappealing, but afterwards, I got to ask yourself: who is truly drawn to
   
   every person
   
   ?
4. 
   He had some strange intimate activities inside the last.
   
   Exactly who in the morning I to judge if he did a few things that i mightn’t have? Did not all of us have a past? At first I became excited to have located somebody thus open. We purposefully did not react when he told me regarding the time the guy met some meeting guys on craigslist is about obtaining end of a glory opening. (it was not gay, the guy explained, since the guy could not begin to see the man. He saw direct porn as the man performed dental on him from behind a bit of cardboard.) After that there was committed he took part in a threesome, and also the time a female found his work so the guy could fist the girl. I have to admit We enjoyed listening to his stories, but I became beginning to get worried that situations he’d carried out in his past will be circumstances he’d wish once again inside the future.
5. 
   He viewed porno… plenty.
   
   I recall our very first talk about porno. He had been very shocked to know that I didn’t have a problem with it. Just how can I determine which he wasn’t permitted to view porno? That would suggest
   
   I
   
   was not permitted to see it, and
   I enjoyed pornography
   . Unless it prevented him from wanting to be romantic with me, i did not see difficulty. It never turned into a problem; he constantly however wanted intercourse. It was not until after we split which he admitted it actually was curbing him obtaining their work done during the day.
6. 
   The guy possessed his or her own business.
   
   Should you continuously need to view porno, masturbate, swipe on Tinder, or arrange craigslist hookups, what better day job for than to becoming your manager? He could keep many times throughout the day without any individual knowing—including me personally.
7. 
   However never let me know their « number. »
   
   I didn’t ask outright but we joked regarding it. He told me however never ever let me know his number. We included upwards their previous girlfriends and thought that quantity. The guy chuckled and informed me, « Probably a lot more. » I realized he would outdated more ladies than I’d been aware of. We never thought he had installed with the amount of random people.
8. 
   He had been truly, excellent at sex.
   
   I thought it absolutely was because we were thus in melody mentally. He paid attention to my cues during sex like not any other man ever had. Because it ends up, he would only had many rehearse. Though i really couldn’t stick to him when I realized he was cheating (with many others!), we’ll never forget him since the best sex we had.